Unhappy Holidays: Coping with loneliness over the festive season
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Unhappy Holidays: Coping with loneliness over the festive season
It's the holidays but not everyone is jolly. For alone hearts, the festive season tin bring on feelings of gut-wrenching loneliness. Find out how to cope if you are one of them.
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09 Dec 2022 06:30AM (Updated: 10 Nov 2022 09:17AM)
Tis the season to be jolly. But for 55-year-old businesswoman and divorcee Jennifer*, the year-end festivities are both a blessing and a burden.
Jennifer, who did not want to be identified for this story, said: "I am fortunate to accept my extended family unit and friends. But these social gatherings sometimes worsen my sense of loneliness because they remind me of a time when I in one case had a happy and consummate family unit."
Her merely child is studying overseas. To avoid worrying her loved ones, peculiarly her ageing parents, she has learnt to fake positivity and conviction.
"Ironically, I retrieve faking festive cheer actually makes me feel worse and lonelier than ever," she said.
Whether you are a well-to-practice empty nester, high-flyer who travels frequently for work or a homesick undergraduate studying overseas, the vacation season can bring on feelings of gut-wrenching loneliness – even when 1 is surrounded by people and cloth comforts.
Jennifer is non lone in her struggles with loneliness and disconnection.
In a 2022 survey conducted past AARP (formerly the American Association of Retired Persons) Research, which looks at behaviours and needs of 50-something adults, well-nigh a third of over one,000 respondents reported feeling lonely during the vacation flavor. Around 41 per cent said they have worried about a family member or friend feeling lonesome.
Closer to home, a study released earlier this yr past the Duke-NUS Medical School found that one in three Singaporeans aged threescore and older feels somewhat or mostly lonely.
Dr Kim Lian Rolles-Abraham, a clinical psychologist at Better Life Clinic, said that people have a fundamental need to exist connected to other people.
"Humans are designed to be social beings, and connection with others is crucial for both physical and mental well-existence. When there is an absenteeism of these connections on a prolonged basis, loneliness sets in," she said.
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WHO GETS LONESOME
People who accept fewer relationships in general, such as the elderly, those grieving the loss of important people in their lives, as well every bit socially-isolated individuals, tend to experience solitary, Dr Rolles-Abraham said.
While people who are socially-isolated run a greater risk of feeling lone, intense loneliness tin can also happen when the person is surrounded by people, every bit in Jennifer'southward situation.
"This can happen when the person is preoccupied with other concerns and can't fully immerse herself in the occasion," Dr Rolles-Abraham said.
"Also, those who endure from mental illnesses such as depression, mail service-traumatic stress disorder and social anxiety may be unable to socialise freely and feel detached from others due to their struggles, leading to a greater sense of loneliness."
WHY THE Vacation Flavour WORSENS LONELINESS
For workaholics and people who are estranged or separated from their family members, inbound the holiday season without having social activities planned tin be depressing.
Dr Lim Boon Leng, a psychiatrist at Dr BL Lim Middle for Psychological Wellness, said the holidays are a time when colleagues and friends who are usually available may be busy with their own families.
"While beingness alone can be ignored at other times with one being distracted by piece of work and social activities, loneliness becomes glaring during the holiday season," he said.
Material comforts do little in alleviating loneliness, he added. "In fact, having fabric comforts without someone to share with tin indeed remind ane of his or her loneliness."
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Social media, which seems to go on people continued, can as well accentuate loneliness during the festive menstruum.
"In many means social media allows people to stay connected but the connections and bonds made over social media are ofttimes superficial. For those who are alone and take trivial social back up, seeing others posting pictures of friends and family gatherings can remind them of their state of affairs," Dr Lim said.
"In many ways social media allows people to stay continued but the connections and bonds made over social media are often superficial. For those who are solitary and have little social support, seeing others posting pictures of friends and family gatherings can remind them of their state of affairs." – Dr Lim Benefaction Leng
Dr Rolles-Abraham's patient, a 24-year-former undergraduate studying overseas who is suffering from an eating disorder, is well aware of the emotional toxicity that comes from scrolling through her social media feed.
"Social media portrays a false ideal of joy and laughter with the perfect people in the perfect place, which makes me experience similar I am not absurd or fun enough and falsely believe that others are not lonely, so therefore 'I must be lonely'. It'southward all a toxic down spiral mentality," she shared.
In a 2022 study of Facebook users published in Plos One in 2013, researchers found that the more time people spent on the social network, the worse they felt and the more than their life satisfaction levels declined.
A split recent study conducted past researchers at the Academy of Pennsylvania found that cutting back on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat utilize improved loneliness and other depressive symptoms.
"Social media portrays a false ideal of joy and laughter with the perfect people in the perfect place, which makes me feel like I am not cool or fun enough and falsely believe that others are not lonely, and then therefore 'I must be lonely'." – A 24-year-old undergraduate studying overseas
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THE Listen-Torso EFFECT
Research shows that loneliness and social isolation can impact both mental and physical health.
Loneliness is a risk factor for mental health conditions such as low and anxiety disorders. Research shows that elderly people who are widowed or alone face a higher gamble of suicide, and are also more decumbent to health issues like diabetes and heart diseases, Dr Lim said.
Dr Rolles-Abraham said that physical and mental wellbeing are linked, and a negative touch on one tin trigger the downward screw of the other.
Loneliness also perpetuates a self-defeating mindset, which leads to a vicious cycle of increasing isolation, she added.
According to Dr Lim, people who are alone may experience disengagement and are unable to connect with others at a deeper level. There may too exist feelings of self-doubtfulness and a sense of inadequacy.
"Solitary people may have a negative evaluation of their cocky-worth and desirability to others, in the context of friendship or romantic human relationship. If they perceive themselves as unworthy of other people's company, they may end upwards turning downwardly social gatherings," Dr Rolles-Abraham said.
"The more this sort of isolation happens, the more likely people may perceive them negatively, such every bit they are aristocratic, unwilling to socialise, awkward or unfriendly. Without the lone private giving themselves a take a chance to evidence others wrong, they may give up before they even endeavour."
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HOW TO Accept THE Showtime STEP OUT OF Solitude
Fifty-fifty equally you boxing loneliness, there is no need to go the way of the Grinch this holiday flavour. Here are some tips from the experts on how to avoid or break free of the loneliness bug.
1. Maintain regular contact with loved ones who are overseas
Dr Lim said it might be useful to invest in and utilise engineering similar reliable broadband, IP cameras and other new gadgets to improve communications with loved ones who are overseas. Or simply send your love and warmth over using a good one-time-fashioned handwritten letter.
2. Organise get-togethers with colleagues or friends
For those who know beforehand that their spouse is going away for a period of time, Dr Rolles-Abraham advised taking the initiative to organise gatherings with friends involving fun activities.
Empty nesters can connect with others in the aforementioned boat through common interests such as morning strolls or even mah-jong nights. They can likewise look to community resources, such as social activities at places of worship, clubs, customs centres and residential councils.
iii. Participate in volunteer work
Helping others in need is a proficient way to bring meaning and purpose to life. The social interaction with fellow volunteers and beneficiaries too helps one stay connected.
iv. Program quality family time around the festive season
Past the time children striking their teenage years, they may adopt spending the holidays with their own social circles. Consider structuring quality family time, like a short family getaway, before the thick of the festivities, Dr Rolles-Abraham said.
This ensures parents have some quality time with their children while the younger ones become to spend time with their friends during the festive season as well.
5. Adopt a pet
Research has shown that owning a pet can aid alleviate loneliness and its related concrete and psychological afflictions, Dr Rolles-Abraham said.
While connecting with pets is non equivalent to connecting with another man being, they tin can provide condolement and affection, she added. Similar to volunteering, caring for some other living thing tin assist detract from loneliness and foster a sense of purpose and significant.
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